From Across The Pond: Deadpool

Do you ever watch an amazing movie but you know you’re late as fuck? Yea, that’s me right now. I had time to kill on the plane so I watched Deadpool: a movie I had put down as yet another predictable blockbuster, but turned out to be quite interesting on many levels. It’s kinda known for it’s semi-avant-garde approach – & I insist on the semi part – so I guess I’m really just two thousand & late. What, don’t like my 2009 Fergie reference? Fuck off while I pump my lady lumps to My Humps.

Deadpool is a clever movie. It’s conventional, but just enough to grasp the attention of a mainstream audience. It infiltrates the money making machine that is Hollywood to then bring out new ideas & push barriers. While these limits are not groundbreaking, they’re so well calculated you could shit your pants. Good thing you’re already wearing brown pants! – You’ll get the reference only if you’ve watched the movie, who’s late now huh?

Although the movie has a very heteronormative feel to it in the beginning, it slowly unravels into delicious bits & pieces of adventurous scenes. The white guy meets a white girl & they’re about to sleep with each other & develop feelings for each other, how predictable. But were you expecting the girl to fuck him right in the ass with a strap-on? The guy still doesn’t enjoy it & it comes off as more of a joke: how many straight guys in the audience got fucked in the arse by their girlfriend after their night out at the movies? Probably none. But it still planted a seed somewhere in their dull brain! Sorry fellow straights, it is my duty to attack from time to time to help bring a certain balance to the universe.

Point is, you must give the people a little push to get your point across, but never shove it down their throat. It is very tempting to do so when you realize humanity is fucking disgusting, but you gotta keep in mind that the goal is to keep me from falling – wait these are lyrics from Bleeding Love – the goal is to bring a change, as little as it may be.

Working on such a huge production costs a lot of money and the main job is still to make the cash flow. That’s why it’s all about balancing social change & adherence to mindless mainstream culture. Some people have a lot of money to spend out of their parents’ pockets, while others make their own money but still await the next brainless production to spend it. Spot a common thread? They’re all empty-headed. You can’t push the envelope if you don’t get the cash first: get him hooked before you play the one that’s on his heart.

What’s also smart about the movie is its acknowledgment of the death of attention span. It knows just how much your brain has lost its ability to concentrate because of the excessive use of modern technology, & it’s built in accordance. Constantly switching temporal scenes & getting the main character to talk to the camera in order to reset your brain structures, that’s what I’m talking about. Just like you won’t keep reading till the end of this paragraph if I keep stretching it.

Deadpool never gives you an answer to the question he draws. He makes you question everything without making it the point of the movie, that way everybody can enjoy the experience. He finds himself in a killing spree at some point & hesitates whether he should be hitting a girl or not. “Is it sexist if I hit you? Or is it even more sexist if I don’t hit you?” He could discuss different views & opinions, but the movie’s job is to be witty & allow YOU to kickoff a thought process.

Also, notice how Angel Dust’s tit is sticking out in the middle of a fight & Colossus gives her a moment to fix it? She then smashes his skull & it goes to show how some women today take control of gendered situations through mechanisms that have historically been used to control women’s bodies. Third-wave feminism? Who knows.

The movie also doesn’t take itself too seriously. It makes fun of itself for having two X-Men characters only. Yas queen, work your flaws to your advantage. Once you make the whole gig about laughing at yourself, people can’t laugh at you & they fucking love you. The performance can’t be destroyed, as opposed to an attempt at seriousness that can be ridiculed in the bat of an eye. They even dared to use the shit emoji, isn’t that what kids do these days? Note to self: you’re not even that old so you should probably shut it.

As we’re gathered here today, let’s all take a moment to appreciate Ryan Reynolds’ cute little ass, his bubble butt or whatever adorable name you wanna give it – tushie is a great one. You can see that many homosexual men took part in the making of this movie by the look of all the bare ass scenes: the beautiful objectification of men, re-establishing the balance of the universe once again! Women have been objectified for too long, but shouldn’t we just stop objectifying everybody instead? Yes, butt sex sells & always will, so get with it people!

As for my non-optional pop cultural parallel, Deadpool follows a new laid-back wave that is rising as we speak. The late 2000s were all about adding more & more on piles of already too much, & it worked to get people’s attention – i.e. Lady Gaga. But the public got bored & is now much more attracted to the human side of things, what I like to call the ANTI movement.

Just like Beyoncé & Rihanna’s latest releases, it screams I haven’t put any effort into the marketing of this product just so you don’t feel like I’m trying to sell you something. But really, it’s very I have a team of people continuously studying you & putting endless efforts into making this seem effortless. Basically, they’re selling the same product but in a different packaging.

Altogether, it goes to show the effectiveness of the anti-hero scheme used in Deadpool. You still get the satisfying superhero fights & the cheesy romance, but with a new approach.