If your Tuesday nights are strictly reserved for Scream Queens, you probably know by now that it is one of the most quotable shows in the history of black comedy. If, on the other hand, you’ve never heard of the show, here’s a quick summary:
So while you eagerly wait for episode 8, here are 17 quotes & 31 gifs recapitulating last week’s matter, enjoy!
1. Dearly beloved, we’re gathered here today because a backstabbing little bitch got exactly what was coming to her. – Chanel starting up a speech at Chanel #2’s funeral.
2. As soon as Chanel number two’s parents learned that their daughter’s dead body had been found, they went on a cruise to celebrate. That’s how much they hated this dead bitch. – Again, Chanel destroying whatever’s left of #2’s reputation.
3. Instead of strutting across campus in a beautiful diamond formation, we were forced to strut across campus in a triad formation like a bunch of hobos. – Chanel pointing out the consequences of #2’s unjustified repeated absences.
I concede there are already too many quotes by Chanel; get used to it, that’s how it’s gonna be. Here’s one more.
4. Have fun being dead number two. You are a stupid little harlot & I hope you’re burning in hell right now. Amen. – Chanel & her usual demure self.
As you can see, Chanel always gets what she wants.
Whatever, Ariana ain’t even mad.
5. Does Chanel #5’s vagina have teeth? – Chanel asking a question only #2’s spirit from the dead would know the answer to, in order to figure if it’s actually her on the other end.
FYI, it’s been confirmed, #5’s vagina DOES have teeth.
Now here’s a gloomy one for your tar black soul:
6. Yea, I used to know & love someone by that name, but I forced myself to forget that they exist because they’ve continuously let me down. – Gigi on the phone with her red devil associates.
7. Are you having sex… with a goat?! – Chanel at the sight of hey boyfriend Chad in bed with a literal goat.
8. Yes, I’ve looked at a ton of porn. Yes, I’ve been rubbing one out every five to ten minutes. But no Chanel, I’ve not cheated on you. – Chad explaining how bestiality is not his thing.
However, he’s a total necrophiliac.
Unfortunately, he’s not gay.
& if he eventually DID sleep with the goat, who said that barnyard animal wasn’t a party animal as well?
9. I knew she was no good as soon as I saw her in that bathtub. I don’t trust a girl with a huge bush of pubic hair, makes me think she has something to hide. – Cathy Munsch about Feather, an ex-schoolgirl who allegedly murdered & decapitated her husband.
10. Why do you have nine tampons, how big is your cooch? – Chanel questioning #6’s vagina size after #2 was able to tell, all the way from hell, how many tampons were hidden in her purse.
11. After this iconic morning greeting from the pilot
The devil blessed us with its nocturnal equivalent.
12. Despite what you’ve heard, hell sucks, it’s not fun. Yes, there are water slides, but they’re lined with razorblades & you splash down into a pool of boiling pee. Also, zero dinosaurs. Jesus broke in & stole them. – Chanel #2, back from the dead, demystifying Chanel’s misconceptions about hell.
13. I was probably in a bad mood because Adolf Hitler was motorboating my boobs. – Chanel #2 justifying her handling of the satanic talking board during which she told everyone that Chad cheated on Chanel & that she was the killer.
14. I did a little digging, & it turns out that Feather had a website called Ilovebologna.org – Cathy revealing Feather is a capicolaphilist: someone who’s turned on by someone who pronounces bologna the way it’s spelled.
15. Not only would I have survived your attempt on my life, it would’ve also made me skinnier. – Chanel after finding out about the other Chanels’ plan to murder her with rat poison, which she would’ve immediately puked given she isn’t a rodent without a gag reflex.
16. The four of us are gonna expose those sluts for the killers they are & restore order to Kappa Kappa Tau. Do I make myself clear, you whores? – Chanel shitting on her peers, as usual.
17. Hell had no fury like a woman scorned. – Munsch after murdering her ex-husband & sending his second wife off to a psychiatric hospital.
Until next time, KKT.